Rain
by Dahpie
Summary: Rain rain, go away. Come again, another day.


Rain.

Rain cascaded against the worn and crumbling pavement, as murky water flushed endlessly into the gutter. A mixture of slush and dirt, washing away the memories. My feet tracing over the damp earth as I neared my destination, every step feeling like a mile as the insoles of my shoes crumpled into a heap beneath my feet.

Lightning cracked against the sky, it's whipped and sparked as though the earth itself was in great pain. It reflected my state of mind perfectly.

Tears slowly began forming on the edge of my eyelids, bleeding into the drizzle that stained the concrete. A giant mirror forming across the playground, threatening to break at any moment.

I used to think that this place would be my sanctuary, a place where fond memories could be fostered and cultivated, to be looked back on with nostalgia and reassurance but instead it only made my heart throb and my voice croak.

"Tweek…."

Slowly my boots gripped against the tarmac, squeaking and squelching with every step almost as if the playground itself was crying. A symphony made just for one.

I looked onwards towards the swing set, my hands tracing it's rough and broken surface. Time had worn its once immaculate finish to brittle rust cracking the paintwork and leaving chips of burgundy fragmented in the slush. I instantly thought of him.

You were always there with me here. You knew how to make me smile.

I shift my weight downwards to sit on the drenched plastic, the grooves digging harshly into my skin; small payback for what had occurred. Even now my mind was a haze of anger and sadness.

I didn't mean to do it.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

It wasn't my fault!

I repeated it like a mantra as if to convince myself it was true. As though nothing had happened, as though to block out the pain and misery that took root far inside my gut.

My hands gripped the artificial twine and my legs buckled to propel myself off the ground. The swing arching like a pendulum, bars whining from abrasion. I kicked my legs even harder hoping I that it could somehow carry me away before irritation caught deep within my throat.

A wheezing cough spluttered its way out of me, my grip weakened as the swing jolted to halt throwing me crashing face first into the tarmac. The pain was the final straw as suddenly soon enough a rush of emotion overwhelmed my senses. The gradual build of pressure assaulting the back of eyes, threatening to sting and sully one of the only aspects of my facial features that I actually cared for. I couldn't hold it back anymore, it was too much.

Broken sobs echoed in the rain, ones I tried so desperately to hide, ones that formed and melded into the storm creating a ghastly howl that reverberated far and wide admist the downpour. My jacket and jeans hanging heavily as the dull fabric clung for dear life against my pale skin trying to avoid becoming completely soiled in the puddling forming around me.

It's too much.

I can't.

My body resisted as I propped myself against the concrete. Fist's forming balls and kneeing grazing harshly against the tarmac. I didn't want to break, I had to be strong, I had to resist these feelings. If I didn't what would happen to me? I felt sick. I wanted to go home.

Helpless thoughts whirled inside me like a maelstrom, unable to be tamed by sheer will alone. Even my body was beginning to betray me, the guilt slowly crushing my sense of self, the weight pushing down onto my muscles, tension racked my body; a dull ache flooding all my senses.

I collapsed to the ground. I could hear his voice, I could see his face and taste his scent on my mouth.

No…. I can't.

"T-twee….." I could barely speak, my voice hitched deep in the recesses of my throat.

Visions of the past began form in front of me erasing the cold and violent scenery into one of beauty; my mind finally succumbing to delusion. I saw him there, a boy with golden hair, full pink lips and a smile that could melt even the harshest winter and brave the strongest storms silhouetted strongly against the night sky. Next to him another boy, with ivory hair and a pale complexion strewn across his sharp features. Eyes of green entrancing ones of icy blue.

They both sat, perched against the swing set. The golden-haired boy looked as though a stiff breeze would blow him over as he gripped strongly onto the other boy's faded navy jacket. His fingers playing with the tassels of the boy's blue chullo hat.

He could hear their voices. Soft and childlike, they pierced the vastness of the snow filled playground. A small noise echoing endlessly into the space above them.

"Gah…Craig?"

The boy's head titled to the side as acknowledgement.

"Hmm?" His softness of his voice contrasting with the serious expression on his face.

"Why do you like me?" The golden-haired boy's voice straining at the weight of the question.

His face shifting from serious to tense, eyebrows pushing downwards and eyes shifting downwards towards the tarmac. The boy looked as though he was trying to say a million things at once.

"I…."

The boy's jaw clenched, his voice producing a hoarse whine. He was giving it his all.

"You…arghhhh." Frustration was visibly building in his gruff voice

The golden-haired boy pressed his face deep into the other's chest. Arms making their home within the back of the moody boy's back. Fingertips caressing the grooves of his vertebrae as if to pacify and coax an answer.

"You, make me feel like everything will be fine." The boy muttered softly, his face flushed red with embarrassment. "I… love you."

"Really?"

"Y-Yeah" His breathe visible against the frigid air of night.

The golden-haired boy hands slowly grasped his strong jawline. Eyes focused and brimming with happiness.

"I love you too, Craig."

"_Craig?_"

Remembering how I felt back then seemed like a distant memory. The stars were witnesses to our existence as we watched them from below.

Everything was hazy, a blur of colours and sounds. My vision smeared with Vaseline, my body cold as the dirt I walked to get here. I could feel the last wisps of heat fade from hands and feet, yet the voices got stronger.

I knocked at the door, the place where you lived. Every part of me burned with pain.

"Craig! Are you okay!?"

My legs gave way to the floor as what little energy I had remaining disappeared. Cuts and bruises plastered my body from head to toe, my clothes ripped and tattered.

I found myself being carried upstairs, despite the trembling you were stronger than you took credit for.

I couldn't be as strong as you though.

I was weak, despite the facade I wore.

I searched for you constantly. Something strong to hide my weakness.

"Urghhh" A visceral groan erupting from my mouth. My body sinking deep into soft covers, glow in the dark starts dotting the ceiling like constellations in the night sky.

It was his room.

"What were you thinking Craig!?" Soft hands touching my arms, bandages carefully cocooning around my arm to stop the bleeding.

"Why…. why do you keep getting into fights?"

What could I say? I couldn't say anything. I never was one for speaking, the feeling was alien; distant from my usual disposition of apathy and indifference.

But having you there with me, the words flowed like honey and came out as soft as silk

"I'm sorry…."

You didn't say anything else even though you wanted to. Instead a warm pressure pushed against my lips. Delicate fingertips cupping my face.

"Mmmmph….." I could only speak in moans as your tongue caressed my pale skin. You huddled against me like a baby did its mother and in turn did the same, trying to project you in equal measure.

"Please." His voice strained. "Don't keep getting yourself hurt" emotion flooding his voice.

"_It's going to be okay! Oh, god Craig!"_

Ironic then that I hurt you most of all.

Black spots pooled into my vision, colours flickering amidst the darkness. I could feel myself getting weaker still, soon it would be over. It would all be over.

The colours that remained soon formed anew, shapes solidifying into a place once again familiar.

Your room again. The same room we found ourselves fused together, lips exchanging heady breathes and moans, where I slept when you felt alone and broken and where I held you when the world seemed tasked at breaking you, but most of all…. most of all….

Where _it _happened.

"No!" I screamed, I couldn't tell where my body started or began. The darkness slowly engulfing my sense of self.

"Please…. stop." My voice weakened to a dull whimper.

_"Craig!"_

"Craig?" Emotions rattled my body.

"Craig!?" Anger seethed within my bones

"What Tweek? My voice strained.

He was taken aback by the frailty in my voice.

"What's wrong? Y-You've been distant lately?" Tweek trembled as he spoke, I barley took in the words, my head spinning.

"I'm fine, I just…I just need some time alone." How on earth could I tell him?

"Something's wrong, isn't it? Please Craig, just tell me." Desperation lined his voice, eyes wide open staring deep into my own. I saw the tears forming in your eyes even behind a brave face, I knew them better than anyone.

I looked down. I didn't want to say anything. I was better at slinging fists and spewing obscenities than words could ever say.

Even with you there, this was different.

You pushed me onto the bed and buried your head in my chest. I felt a dull ache within my chest, my mouth curdled like cottage cheese as the guilt ate away.

I can't do it.

Latching onto my shirt you pulled me into a soft embrace, your weight on the collar revealing my broad chest ever so slightly. The taste of coffee and cough syrup overwhelming my taste buds, caking my mouth in your intoxicating aroma.

But I didn't reciprocate…. I couldn't.

Lips released with a slight pop as you looked me dead in the eyes.

"Craig, tell me what wrong." Your face stern, expression unwavering.

"Nothing." The monotone nature of my voice only slightly masquerading the lies. I always was good at lying, but not this time.

This time it was different.

This time it was Tweek.

Lying to Tweek was the hardest.

He knew me inside and out, all of my mannerisms, my weaknesses, the emotions I hid from the world behind closed doors only to confide them with earnestly to his ever-present self. This boy had made a wedge in the armor I had created, his presence deeply rooted my life.

And I was about to remove it.

I was about to break up before he realized the true extent of the situation.

…. But then.

"Craig. W-What are these!?" His eyes poised at the marks on my chest near my shirt. Seeing some letters faintly etched into my skin.

"Tweek, don't!" Worry on the inside filtering into anger in my voice.

His hand lunged out, hand clasped firmly against my shirt.

"Get off me Tweek! Get _off_!" Malice in my voice echoed throughout the room, betraying my once calm and collected composure.

My body weight shifted as I sprang up trying to shake his grip, the bed creaking sharply.

But it was too late

Tweek's hand had remained firm. The adjustment in weight sending a sharp tear across the thin layer of fabric, my body tumbling to the floor with a thud in an attempt to get away. My chest now exposed to the cold air.

He saw.

The words etched into my skin, scars reminding me of the present situation.

"C-Craig…." Tweek voice, a mixture of shock and horror veiling the fragments of fear.

The words fag, queer and many other variations etched deep into my flesh only second to the ugly purple green bruises and fleshy cuts lining the contours of my body from my chest to my torso.

He saw

He saw, he saw, he saw, he saw he saw, he saw!

I can't

I can't

I can't do this

I can't

I can't

Almost on instinct Tweek reached out, attempting to ease the pain in himself and my face.

The pain in his face was all too real, his face scrunched up and features broken. I didn't want him to see, why won't he just leave me alone? Why can't I just be left alone? I don't deserve to be loved. I'm a disgusting fag.

"Don't fucking touch _me_!" I screamed.

My vision went white

A when I came to….

He was laying there. Blood dripping from his forehead, his body a crumpled heap against the carpet, his body tilted to the side. His eyes half lidded as looked at me in a haze, tears slowly spilling out onto the carpet

No.

I didn't.

"Craig….why…." His voice weak and quiet, like a mouse.

My hands.

I looked at my hands, spats of blood trailing down my fingers to my bare knuckles. Pain twinging in my knuckles signalling just what I had done.

I had hurt Tweek.

"I…I"

I ran.

I ran like the coward I was.

The coward I always was. Running from my problems or lashing out to hide them.

Before I could even realize it, I was outside, running far away down the street. Low rumbling in the sky signalling the start of a storm.

The street slowly disappeared, houses fading, breaking in a thousand shards as I fell helplessly into the void.

Nothing but dark remained.


End file.
